Yesterday may or may not have been one of the worst days I've experienced in my life. I'm a believer in threes. Good, bad, ugly things that happen in threes.
1.) Someone apparently wanted to steal my money and credit cards. I was in the library all weekend and somehow, it was ok to just take all of it out of my wallet when I left it unattended. Nice.
2.) The school heard about the skeevy 2L's bar review assault on me and want to hold disciplinary actions against him. So on top of my first semester, I have to go in, explain how i'm petrified of being on campus because I don't want to run into a boy that bit my ear, grabbed my tit and pinned me against the bar while drinking with my fellow colleagues.
oh wait but it gets better.
3.) My very wonderful and loving second family in Orlando has been hit with such awfulness that I can't even bring myself to say it or even think about it. My parents used to double date with their best friends, Patrick and Leeza who subsequently all got married at the same time. They, like my parents, produced 3 children: Myk, 24, Abigail, 21, Raymond, 16. [Ages look familiar?] It was always our parents dream to all end up together (well minus Emily and Abby) - Who wouldnt want their children to marry their best friends children? And Myk and I were always very close. (Granted, it would never had happen - Myk and I were never attracted to each other). Unfortunately, and sadly, that would never happen as Myk died a few days ago. I won't speculate or even explain what happened but know this: my devastation is insurmountable and I grieve. I grieve for Pat, Leeza, Abby and Ray. I grieve for my 23 years of memories with Myk. I pray that he's in a better place.
And I hope, no matter what, that he finally rests in peace.
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day." - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Friday, October 5, 2007
"Ow. Why is your elbow in my sternum?"
At our second bar review (happy hour... er, 5 hours) I happened to be accosted by numerous types of sketchy men who also (sadly) happened to be fellow schoolmates. This is why it is not ok to humor male strangers who happen to be hitting on you.
I was always told that when we go out, I was not the nice one. If someone came up to hit on us group of girls, I would be agitated and annoyed and would proceed to blatantly ignore or refute any advances. Last night, since I was in the company of my colleagues, I decided "Hey, shed the bitch face." Bad idea.
Why you ask?
Because then you leave open 2L's who TRY TO BITE YOUR EAR OFF (literally) when you're trying to have a normal conversation. I think my favorite line was "if you don't want me in public, i can find someplace private. Like the bathroom."
Really? REALLY? I may have "1L" written all over my face but contrary to popular belief, I am not wearing a sign that says "stupid" or, even better, "have your way with me."
Imagine this: I'm trying to talk to this 2L and we're against the wall opposite the bar. Every single time he steps in closer, I take a step back. Next thing I know, my beer that was resting on the ledge about 10 feet away and I'm backed up against the wall. What was I supposed to do? I was trying to be nice and next thing I know this bastard has got me pinned against the wall telling him to get off of me. You know he knew too, especially since he kept saying "Ow, you're hurting me, can you move your elbow? Why is it in my sternum?" Me: "Because I want you to get off of me now!" Finally, two friends realized what was going on and intervened but not after his lack of trying to get me to go with him to the bathroom, then a corner of the bar, then finally, his place. Ew. Ew. Ew. Worst part? He's in my children's advocacy certification program. I don't know which frightens me more, the fact that the next 2 years we'll be in the same program or the fact that he's going to be actively working with children.
Moral of the story? Sometimes it's just easier to be branded the bitch than to fight off a creepy upperclassman who still continues to stalk you after you elbow him in the sternum and knee him in the groin.
I was always told that when we go out, I was not the nice one. If someone came up to hit on us group of girls, I would be agitated and annoyed and would proceed to blatantly ignore or refute any advances. Last night, since I was in the company of my colleagues, I decided "Hey, shed the bitch face." Bad idea.
Why you ask?
Because then you leave open 2L's who TRY TO BITE YOUR EAR OFF (literally) when you're trying to have a normal conversation. I think my favorite line was "if you don't want me in public, i can find someplace private. Like the bathroom."
Really? REALLY? I may have "1L" written all over my face but contrary to popular belief, I am not wearing a sign that says "stupid" or, even better, "have your way with me."
Imagine this: I'm trying to talk to this 2L and we're against the wall opposite the bar. Every single time he steps in closer, I take a step back. Next thing I know, my beer that was resting on the ledge about 10 feet away and I'm backed up against the wall. What was I supposed to do? I was trying to be nice and next thing I know this bastard has got me pinned against the wall telling him to get off of me. You know he knew too, especially since he kept saying "Ow, you're hurting me, can you move your elbow? Why is it in my sternum?" Me: "Because I want you to get off of me now!" Finally, two friends realized what was going on and intervened but not after his lack of trying to get me to go with him to the bathroom, then a corner of the bar, then finally, his place. Ew. Ew. Ew. Worst part? He's in my children's advocacy certification program. I don't know which frightens me more, the fact that the next 2 years we'll be in the same program or the fact that he's going to be actively working with children.
Moral of the story? Sometimes it's just easier to be branded the bitch than to fight off a creepy upperclassman who still continues to stalk you after you elbow him in the sternum and knee him in the groin.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Babble
A few random thoughts:
1.) Apparently V wanted to write a rebuttal to my argument on dating in law school. While I see his point that he would like to date in law school because its actually a good time to do so, I think he missed my argument that life as a 1L should not be limited to just dating your classmates.
2.) I have a sick obsession with Vanessa Hudgens' debacle. I'm pretty partial towards High School Musical 1 and 2 and its stars. I think it's pretty sad that someone is pretty much terrorizing her career. And I seem to be reading a rumor that she was 16/17 when she took those pictures. Read: just because she's a celebrity - it does not excuse her right to protection as a minor; publishing those pictures can still be considered child pornography.
My real bone to pick with Vanessa (and with Vanessa Minnillo) is the fact that I love how celebrities of Filipino descent try to hide it by saying "i'm a mix of all these random ethnic groups: [fill in every minute blood line in here]" and then you see them with their parents and it screams "FILIPINO". Like seriously? Saying you're not Filipino (or half Filipino) doesn't change it. Get over it. If anything, you should be proud: there's so much fantastic history in the Philippines. A female president, martial law, rice plantations, PEOPLE POWER. And if it's image you're so concerned with, where else are you going to find women that look like Filipinos. The exoticism is astounding. Some have small frames. Others have boobs that people in Hollywood would kill for. Some are light skinned. Other are dark. Some look Asiatic, others look Hispanic. The mixture is unique and should not be shunned.
Which leads me to point 3 of the night:
3.) Filipinos are ridiculous. And I mean that in every sense of the word. For example, where else can you find crazy huge families that tell you that you're fat but yet try to stuff you with food. Conversely, where else can you find a people power so deeply rooted in our being and history that they DARE write a petition against ABC for the off color remark that the character of Susan Meyer made in the premiere of "Desperate Housewives." Of course young celebrities like Hudgens and Minnilo are hesitant to discuss their ethnic backgrounds. The implication of going to a "med school in the Philippines" shows that Filipinos educated in their native country of the Philippines are less valuable than their American counterparts. The further implication shows that this culture is still primitive and should not be regarded equally with the rest of America.
The context and content of the quote is only shocking because the target audience did not expect a remark like that to be cleared through the network given the recent history on the set of Greys Anatomy. It has been brought up that perhaps a politically incorrect remark like this is a slap in the face because the viewer did not expect it and the type of viewer has a different humor than one who watches "Family Guy" or the "Simpsons." Personally, I reacted a couple seconds too late and didn't know if I should laugh or just move on. Then I realized indignantly that my father went to medical school in the Philippines and he is a damn good doctor. Also, now the writers of the show have proven (much so against my arguments and protests on this issue) my father's point exactly, "As an immigrant, you have to work 200% to be equal with your American counterparts." And thanks to ABC, my father seems to painfully and begrudgingly (on my part) be right.
1.) Apparently V wanted to write a rebuttal to my argument on dating in law school. While I see his point that he would like to date in law school because its actually a good time to do so, I think he missed my argument that life as a 1L should not be limited to just dating your classmates.
2.) I have a sick obsession with Vanessa Hudgens' debacle. I'm pretty partial towards High School Musical 1 and 2 and its stars. I think it's pretty sad that someone is pretty much terrorizing her career. And I seem to be reading a rumor that she was 16/17 when she took those pictures. Read: just because she's a celebrity - it does not excuse her right to protection as a minor; publishing those pictures can still be considered child pornography.
My real bone to pick with Vanessa (and with Vanessa Minnillo) is the fact that I love how celebrities of Filipino descent try to hide it by saying "i'm a mix of all these random ethnic groups: [fill in every minute blood line in here]" and then you see them with their parents and it screams "FILIPINO". Like seriously? Saying you're not Filipino (or half Filipino) doesn't change it. Get over it. If anything, you should be proud: there's so much fantastic history in the Philippines. A female president, martial law, rice plantations, PEOPLE POWER. And if it's image you're so concerned with, where else are you going to find women that look like Filipinos. The exoticism is astounding. Some have small frames. Others have boobs that people in Hollywood would kill for. Some are light skinned. Other are dark. Some look Asiatic, others look Hispanic. The mixture is unique and should not be shunned.
Which leads me to point 3 of the night:
3.) Filipinos are ridiculous. And I mean that in every sense of the word. For example, where else can you find crazy huge families that tell you that you're fat but yet try to stuff you with food. Conversely, where else can you find a people power so deeply rooted in our being and history that they DARE write a petition against ABC for the off color remark that the character of Susan Meyer made in the premiere of "Desperate Housewives." Of course young celebrities like Hudgens and Minnilo are hesitant to discuss their ethnic backgrounds. The implication of going to a "med school in the Philippines" shows that Filipinos educated in their native country of the Philippines are less valuable than their American counterparts. The further implication shows that this culture is still primitive and should not be regarded equally with the rest of America.
The context and content of the quote is only shocking because the target audience did not expect a remark like that to be cleared through the network given the recent history on the set of Greys Anatomy. It has been brought up that perhaps a politically incorrect remark like this is a slap in the face because the viewer did not expect it and the type of viewer has a different humor than one who watches "Family Guy" or the "Simpsons." Personally, I reacted a couple seconds too late and didn't know if I should laugh or just move on. Then I realized indignantly that my father went to medical school in the Philippines and he is a damn good doctor. Also, now the writers of the show have proven (much so against my arguments and protests on this issue) my father's point exactly, "As an immigrant, you have to work 200% to be equal with your American counterparts." And thanks to ABC, my father seems to painfully and begrudgingly (on my part) be right.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Dreaming with a Broken Heart
Some people in this life have been so lucky to find love. Similarily, people have been so lucky to have their hearts broken. First loves and broken hearts change a person. For the better or worse, there is a change. Those who know what I'm saying here, agree.
The hardest part is letting it go. You can't keep chasing an illusion of what once was. And prolonging the inevitable just makes that feeling of brokenheartedness that much more painful. Rip the band aid off. Internalize the anger and pain and move on.
And as sure as the day is long, don't look back. Because I can assure you, he's not chasing you.
In fact, I can bet money that he hasn't even realized that you stopped chasing him.
The hardest part is letting it go. You can't keep chasing an illusion of what once was. And prolonging the inevitable just makes that feeling of brokenheartedness that much more painful. Rip the band aid off. Internalize the anger and pain and move on.
And as sure as the day is long, don't look back. Because I can assure you, he's not chasing you.
In fact, I can bet money that he hasn't even realized that you stopped chasing him.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Homesick
When people say they're homesick, are they sick for their home or the illusion of what their home used to be?
I have a feeling that I just can't shake. It's not happiness, but its not quite misery. And don't tell me its that 1L fear of God bullsh*t. I know i'm not supposed to know everything there is to know about law school. Lord knows veteran attorneys don't know how to survive: unless you count advice on switching off between coffee and alochol as "survival." Hm...
Anyway, when I first arrived in Costa Mesa, I found myself missing DC more than I would like to disclose. Then I made friends, and now, I just long for a night where I can leave my apartment, walk up the dreaded hill in Courthouse and hang out at Ragtime until I got bored. But can we say I'm homesick? Can we chalk it up to lonliness? Or perhaps I'm just so stressed with school that I just want things to be the way they were?
To be honest, I have no idea. I just know that everytime I want to talk to someone familiar, its late at night pacific standard time, so you know its late where you folks are at. I miss going out on the weekends, playing kickball, impromptu happy hours, Football at Summers, sitting outside the Arlington Courthouse smoking/conversing, making money, Metro and most importantly, all of you. I miss the familiarity of DC life and I want it back.
I may have been born and raised in the Bay Area, but I would give anything right now to come home.
I have a feeling that I just can't shake. It's not happiness, but its not quite misery. And don't tell me its that 1L fear of God bullsh*t. I know i'm not supposed to know everything there is to know about law school. Lord knows veteran attorneys don't know how to survive: unless you count advice on switching off between coffee and alochol as "survival." Hm...
Anyway, when I first arrived in Costa Mesa, I found myself missing DC more than I would like to disclose. Then I made friends, and now, I just long for a night where I can leave my apartment, walk up the dreaded hill in Courthouse and hang out at Ragtime until I got bored. But can we say I'm homesick? Can we chalk it up to lonliness? Or perhaps I'm just so stressed with school that I just want things to be the way they were?
To be honest, I have no idea. I just know that everytime I want to talk to someone familiar, its late at night pacific standard time, so you know its late where you folks are at. I miss going out on the weekends, playing kickball, impromptu happy hours, Football at Summers, sitting outside the Arlington Courthouse smoking/conversing, making money, Metro and most importantly, all of you. I miss the familiarity of DC life and I want it back.
I may have been born and raised in the Bay Area, but I would give anything right now to come home.
Friday, September 7, 2007
L-Date
I was pretty fortunate to enter law school with an abundance of advice from people who had gone through the torture and survived to tell tales. Regardless, I was pretty shocked to realize that not ONLY did the amount of work sucked, but apparently higher education was synonymous with high school education.
Now, my parents - fearing for my education and inherently knowing how boy crazy I was - put me into an all girls Catholic high school. Life there was ridiculously drama free and comfortable. So, imagine my discomfort, when its the end of my third week of school (4th week if you count orientation) and my fellow colleagues mention how high school it is that my newfound group of friends are starting to "court" each other.
Yes, I said it. Court. Gross.
People, how many times do I have to tell you: Law school isn't your personal dating service. I am aware of those couples that have met and fell in love in law school and are married with a million children and more grandchildren and want to spend the rest of their lives together, blah blah blah. I don't know about you, but I went to law school to ... I don't know... some day become a lawyer. Not find my future husband. If I knew I was spending $150K on that, then I would have just hired my own personal male prostitute and called it a day.
Why I think dating your classmate is a bad idea:
1.) In my recent experience, people in my class are honestly starting to date. Not just "hook up" like the culture is back in undergrad. Like go on dates and call each other and other time consuming that budding couples do. Now I don't know about you, but WHERE are you finding the time for this? I barely have time to freaking write this blog entry. You must be a genius because I definitely don't understand what I'm studying and I have a feeling that taking the time to bat my eyelashes at the guy i'm hoping will asking me out will not help me understand the material any more than it would be to sleep with the book under my pillow.
2.) It has also been ingrained in me that in order to get a good job after graduation, you have to do well. Well, law school is competitive. For some ungodly reason, law schools grade on a curve and only allot a certain amount of A's, B's, C's etc. per year. Personally, I think it's a ploy to make you pay for a therapist after you get your first semester grades. Even so, you are COMPETING for the top grades in your class. That means, while you're playing footsies under the library desk, you fail to recognize that statistically one of you will be getting that coveted high grade of a "B" in Civil Procedure. Either you're looking at the end of the semester with some serious blinders or this truly is a brilliant ploy to sabatoge your potential significant other.
3.) $$$$. Like all new couples, you want to do things together. Like eat out, go to movies, perhaps take weekend trips and buy nice things for each other. I hope you realize that if you end up marrying your significant other that your relationship has officially gained interest in the past 3 years. I don't think the school accounted the aforementioned activities in "extra living expenses."
Disclaimer: I completely understand that most people in law school will become close thanks to the fact that law school is ostensibly a cult. I know that with my new group of friends we're always planning to do something together... after spending 9-5 classes together everyday. It's almost like we never get sick of each other. Scary, right? So, it's not out of the realm of possibility for two people of the opposite sex who happen to spend a lot of time together to find their way to each other. But I mean really? Must you subject others to your lovey dovey flirting during football? Lunch? I mean come on. I'm halfway through my sandwich before I give up eating because the goo goo eyes make me want to goo goo into your lunch bag.
Now, my parents - fearing for my education and inherently knowing how boy crazy I was - put me into an all girls Catholic high school. Life there was ridiculously drama free and comfortable. So, imagine my discomfort, when its the end of my third week of school (4th week if you count orientation) and my fellow colleagues mention how high school it is that my newfound group of friends are starting to "court" each other.
Yes, I said it. Court. Gross.
People, how many times do I have to tell you: Law school isn't your personal dating service. I am aware of those couples that have met and fell in love in law school and are married with a million children and more grandchildren and want to spend the rest of their lives together, blah blah blah. I don't know about you, but I went to law school to ... I don't know... some day become a lawyer. Not find my future husband. If I knew I was spending $150K on that, then I would have just hired my own personal male prostitute and called it a day.
Why I think dating your classmate is a bad idea:
1.) In my recent experience, people in my class are honestly starting to date. Not just "hook up" like the culture is back in undergrad. Like go on dates and call each other and other time consuming that budding couples do. Now I don't know about you, but WHERE are you finding the time for this? I barely have time to freaking write this blog entry. You must be a genius because I definitely don't understand what I'm studying and I have a feeling that taking the time to bat my eyelashes at the guy i'm hoping will asking me out will not help me understand the material any more than it would be to sleep with the book under my pillow.
2.) It has also been ingrained in me that in order to get a good job after graduation, you have to do well. Well, law school is competitive. For some ungodly reason, law schools grade on a curve and only allot a certain amount of A's, B's, C's etc. per year. Personally, I think it's a ploy to make you pay for a therapist after you get your first semester grades. Even so, you are COMPETING for the top grades in your class. That means, while you're playing footsies under the library desk, you fail to recognize that statistically one of you will be getting that coveted high grade of a "B" in Civil Procedure. Either you're looking at the end of the semester with some serious blinders or this truly is a brilliant ploy to sabatoge your potential significant other.
3.) $$$$. Like all new couples, you want to do things together. Like eat out, go to movies, perhaps take weekend trips and buy nice things for each other. I hope you realize that if you end up marrying your significant other that your relationship has officially gained interest in the past 3 years. I don't think the school accounted the aforementioned activities in "extra living expenses."
Disclaimer: I completely understand that most people in law school will become close thanks to the fact that law school is ostensibly a cult. I know that with my new group of friends we're always planning to do something together... after spending 9-5 classes together everyday. It's almost like we never get sick of each other. Scary, right? So, it's not out of the realm of possibility for two people of the opposite sex who happen to spend a lot of time together to find their way to each other. But I mean really? Must you subject others to your lovey dovey flirting during football? Lunch? I mean come on. I'm halfway through my sandwich before I give up eating because the goo goo eyes make me want to goo goo into your lunch bag.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Resistance is Futile.
I can't decide if the next 4 words are something to be proud of: I'm becoming "that girl".
Now, in this day and age (and of course in my judgmental mind), "that girl" means a lot of things. There's "that girl" in my class who uses a fake English accent to speak even though she was abroad for like a hot second. You're from California, lady, get over it. There's "that girl" who (still) gets on my nerves because I truly believe she was trying to hook up with everyone in our class. (You're still a whore.) There's "that girl" who acts like she's entitled to the best grades because she's the shotgunner. You know. The one who always has her hand up. God. Shut up already, not even the Professor will call on you.
Thankfully, I'm not (hopefully) becoming any of the above. It doesn't alleviate my fear of becoming that person who leaves the place she used to call home (DC) and moves somewhere new kicking and screaming only to become a completely acclimated clone of her surrounding people. Back in DC, simple things (haha) like politics and CNN and Happy Hour in Dupont Circle are what interested me. Meeting people on my kickball team who had dreams and ambitions and really cool jobs are what interested me. Making my ex roommate put on my make up because I was too lazy and horrible at it, was my way of "getting ready" to go out.
Now? I spend an hour getting ready for class. AN HOUR. Why? I don't know. It's sick and twisted. I spend even longer getting ready to go out. Jesus Christ, I spend time getting ready to go to the effing gym!
I'm still interested in politics but I haven't even picked up a newspaper since I've moved. Drinking in moderation has lost its appeal and now when I drink, it's to get d-r-u-n-k because I have so limited time to do so.
Instead i'm even more so obsessed with my body image (which, let me tell you, is GREAT for my self esteem) and I'd rather watch "the Hills" than CNN. And i'm starting to think that i'm experiencing the high school experience my public co-ed school counterparts experienced when I was in high school. Am I totally regressing to the age of 16? Is that possible considering that I didn't go to my local high school and was able to experience all women's education? Should I let it go and just bask in it? I mean is this my subconscious way of rewarding myself for reading 200 pages a week? Am I going to turn into a vapid valley girl?
All I ask is that the people of DC take pity on me when I come to visit. I'm trying to resist the urges to fully acclimate (mind you, I haven't gone surfing just yet - and really, everyone I know here surfs. No, really.) but if I come back to DC with blond hair and fake boobs, I will totally be judging myself.
And don't deny it, you will be too.
Now, in this day and age (and of course in my judgmental mind), "that girl" means a lot of things. There's "that girl" in my class who uses a fake English accent to speak even though she was abroad for like a hot second. You're from California, lady, get over it. There's "that girl" who (still) gets on my nerves because I truly believe she was trying to hook up with everyone in our class. (You're still a whore.) There's "that girl" who acts like she's entitled to the best grades because she's the shotgunner. You know. The one who always has her hand up. God. Shut up already, not even the Professor will call on you.
Thankfully, I'm not (hopefully) becoming any of the above. It doesn't alleviate my fear of becoming that person who leaves the place she used to call home (DC) and moves somewhere new kicking and screaming only to become a completely acclimated clone of her surrounding people. Back in DC, simple things (haha) like politics and CNN and Happy Hour in Dupont Circle are what interested me. Meeting people on my kickball team who had dreams and ambitions and really cool jobs are what interested me. Making my ex roommate put on my make up because I was too lazy and horrible at it, was my way of "getting ready" to go out.
Now? I spend an hour getting ready for class. AN HOUR. Why? I don't know. It's sick and twisted. I spend even longer getting ready to go out. Jesus Christ, I spend time getting ready to go to the effing gym!
I'm still interested in politics but I haven't even picked up a newspaper since I've moved. Drinking in moderation has lost its appeal and now when I drink, it's to get d-r-u-n-k because I have so limited time to do so.
Instead i'm even more so obsessed with my body image (which, let me tell you, is GREAT for my self esteem) and I'd rather watch "the Hills" than CNN. And i'm starting to think that i'm experiencing the high school experience my public co-ed school counterparts experienced when I was in high school. Am I totally regressing to the age of 16? Is that possible considering that I didn't go to my local high school and was able to experience all women's education? Should I let it go and just bask in it? I mean is this my subconscious way of rewarding myself for reading 200 pages a week? Am I going to turn into a vapid valley girl?
All I ask is that the people of DC take pity on me when I come to visit. I'm trying to resist the urges to fully acclimate (mind you, I haven't gone surfing just yet - and really, everyone I know here surfs. No, really.) but if I come back to DC with blond hair and fake boobs, I will totally be judging myself.
And don't deny it, you will be too.
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