One Brain Cell.

Let me tell you a story about someone in my life who I nickname OBC (One Brain Cell). Now, I may have said this before but actually, this girl might be the worst roommate i've ever had. Yes, Verizon was pretty bad; however, OBC is worse.

First, OBC has a problem with dishes. As in, she likes to stack them high. Furthermore, what is a purpose of a dish rack? To dry dishes? Yes. What type of dishes? Clean ones? Oh my! What a concept! OBC likes to stack the dirty dishes in and along the sink and then transfer the dirty dishes in the drying rack. Really? REALLY?! Who raised you? Where in your ONE BRAIN CELL did you think it was OK to place a DIRTY DISH (multiple ones multiple times since we've moved in) on the drying rack. To dry dirty dishes? Yum, please. I love having to scrape off your weird foods off the fucking dishes that you decided TO DRY DIRTY. Asshole.

Second, your cat is a piece of shit. Well, no, your treatment of how the cat should live in our home is a piece of shit. The cat itself = cute. You = not cute. You = idiot. Not only have I told you time and time again that the cat needs to stay outside because i'm allergic to it, but you seem to think that cats DO NOT SHED. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! And then you scream at me to "give you a fucking break" when I ask you to sweep up your cat's dander and how you refuse to "fucking clean after" the cat because how am I "supposed to know how to be responsible for a pet when [I] don't own one." Are you fucking for real? I DONT OWN A PET BECAUSE I CANT TAKE CARE OF ONE BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE. You can't just fucking get the pet high in a closet with you because you feel like. You have to feed it, bathe it and take care of it. ALL of which you don't do. Furthermore, I love how I told you in the beginning that I thought your cat had fleas and you told me it was "impossible" because she just had medication put on her. Now, you change your statement and say that "oh, [my boyfriend] told me that fleas can lay eggs and that [oops] I guess she had fleas that laid eggs because I had a lot of bites the other day." And THEN DONT OFFER TO PAY FOR THE EXTERMINATION?! You piece of shit. Has all the alcohol and pot ruined your one brain cell that you didn't realize that fleas reproduce at a lightening speed? Are you that much of an idiot to not realize that your cat not only gets me sick with allergies but now brought fleas into MY FUCKING HOUSE and BIT MY FUCKING LEGS which leaves me with SCARS? How would you like it if your superficial one pea brained cell had to have scars? I know your dumb ass cares only about how you look constantly you vain piece of shit. Yeah, thats what I thought.

Third, don't fucking sit here and complain about your lack of income and hassle me to sign a return on the pet deposit WHICH YOU WILL PROBABLY BRING BACK FROM YOUR PARENTS HOME now that you got your stupid pet deposit back when YOU ARE THE IDIOT that quit your job in the middle of a recession. I mean really, what idiot quits their job in this economy? Oh so boo hoo you weren't happy because they weren't promoting you. NEWSFLASH: they werent promoting you because you would make your powerpoint presentations HIGH OFF YOUR ASS. I mean really, how are you going to smoke a fucking bowl before you have to give a presentation and then be pissed that they refuse to promote you. Was it your sense of entitlement that turned them off to you or the fact that you probably left your one brain cell at home whenever you went to work? If so, please tell me why your one brain cell didn't think to WASH & CLEAN the dishes to put in the DRYING RACK which is reserved for CLEAN DISHES!

Last, if you wonder why I totally avoid you, it's because I'm trying to save MY brain cells because I have a fear that your stupidity is contagious. I mean really, did you think it was a good idea to get blackout drunk all the time, bring home boys who ARE NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND, stumble everywhere hitting everyone and everything in your path while drunk, turn on the HEAT when it is 60 degrees outside, and think that taking "intro to German" at the local community college while jobless is going to further your career goals.


A hint: if you have one brain cell, try not to overexert it. Read: stop drinking, smoking and thinking.

Idiot.